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Lockdown and me

Updated: Jul 19, 2020

By Vicky

As a family, when lockdown was announced, we were already grappling with restrictions health had already put on our family.

In mid February my seemingly healthy, fit 41 year old husband had a heart attack. This had a huge and in some ways still unknown impact on our family. After a short period of feeling not right, a series of doctors appointments and finally a frightening 24 hours in A&E and a week in hospital my love was 'fixed' with a stent and a requirement to take a vast pile of medication for the rest of his life.

I am hugely thankful for the timing of this hiccup in our life and immensely grateful to the NHS.

And yet the emotional journey we are travelling still feels unfinished . It's hard to reconcile our stage of life, a busy life with 3 young children, with a heart attack. The future feels frightening and hard to approach without a sense of trepidation.

The 23rd of March and the announcement of lockdown coincided with my husbands return to work.Initially we grappled with a sense of fear over his risk level but also found a global pandemic lent a not insignificant perspective to our situation. Working from home helped us feel safe but also means we have been in a state of limbo at home for a long time.

I was furloughed on the 1 April. In many ways this was a huge relief as we tried to home school our 3 boys.

However as we enter week 7 of lockdown a certain sense of weariness has set in. It's hard to give the boys the individual attention they deserve and that actually makes parenting so much more enjoyable and rewarding.

Moments on my own are rare and feel precious particularly when our smallest has been struggling to settle in the evenings.

Yet we have also enjoyed some moments of absolute joy as a family. The sunny weather has felt almost unreal and made us thankful for our garden and proximity to beautiful walks. Amidst the squabbles and fractiousness I see real friendships developing between my children. We have connected with friends and family online and had so much laughter and fun that I wonder why we have never done so before on a quiet Friday evening at home when we've not had a baby sitter or family have been too far for a quick visit.

As talk of restrictions being lifted starts I feel a mix of uncertainty and hope. The path ahead feels long both in terms of the virus and our more personal story but one I feel we will face as a family together, stronger for our tough start to 2020.

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